Trilingual Routine 重復

Yesterday afternoon I learnt about the earthquake in Sichuan which has shaken and shocken the whole country including Shanghai.On the next day which is today,I asked a guy if he felt anything.He said no followed by a black humor--"there's one thing in China that I wish to become less,it's the people,so let 'em die,after all,no severe earthquake can possibly happen here in Shanghai." I immediately felt offended and my sense of justice challenged,so I responded:"Would u say the same thing if one of your family members were travelling there when the quake happened?"He then was made speechless.Is it a good timing to show off your "hukou(literally means residential registration--one of the most absurd things existing since humanity)"?  I'm not against any sort of humor,but it can only be told when the timing is right,or it becomes harsh and mean.

I have to confess that I once made the similar kind of remark luckily interpreted by my french teacher as black humor when SARS was raging in China.His kindness actually taught me a lesson that I should never make jokes about others' misfortune,that's what uncivilized people do in general.

So if Shanghai wants to become a so-called cosmopolitan city like NYC,London or Paris,civilize your indigenes first,Otherwise it's just a china vase stuffed with high-rises, brand shops and snobby people speaking pidgin english.

Last but not least, I wanna pray with all my heart that the rescued will live in happiness,and that the dead will rest in peace ever after!!!!

I've been through so many exams in my life,so many that I can't even count them out.So logically,I should be used to taking tests or being tested.What I find hard to understand is that,the more tests I take,the more nervous I become before the test.Like I did this afternoon,once I stepped out of the "test room",I just could help smiling as if there were a hanger in my mouth.As soon as people who were waiting ouside saw my face,they murmured that I must be sure to pass,which they thought is why I smiled.As a matter of fact,I was laughing at myself for having been so nervous before the test and so awkard during it.I might be too strict with myself,yeah,possible,but this is just not the way I like it to be.And the word I'm now looking for is "anyway~~~" ,it belongs to the past.People get sick if they dwell on the past,don't they? Thinging about the tests I'm going to take,I came up with the question"Is life a test?"It sort of is for sure.

I do surf the net everyday,and I'll be upset if don't have access to the internet for one single day,BUT DO NOT CONFUSE ME WITH THE NATIONALIST NETIZENS,PLEASE DON'T!!!!!!!

I added the red heart to my msn user name only because my friends asked me to,and disppointing them would be the last thing I want especially on this sort of occasion.

To be honest,I really don't and can't appreciate this kind of fake patriotism,which is to my eyes extremely akin to the "Support the Troops" bumper stickers on SUVs in the U.S..I am actually the one who got really disappointed.I'm so disappointed that my people still don't get it,they just don't realize to what extent they are manipulated.Believe it or not,I'd rather trust god than politicians. And call me a traitor if it makes u feel any better!

As for boycotting french brands,I just wanna say "don't be ridiculous" just as what I said to the people trying to boycott everything related to Japan a couple of years ago.Probably,they are the same bunch of people.Go for a walk on the major commercial streets,if u don't find sony product,come to me and get paid $10,000,000,I'm serious.Of course U have the right to express your anger and to show your "chinese heart",but will it help bring down the CPI or the rocketing house price??? Maybe a lot of people will lose their jobs if this boycott goes on determinedly to the end. Is that what u want?

I can't help remembering the quote from Celine Dion :

"I'm not a politician, but I don't think it's about politics either. We're talking about Olympics. We're talking about hardworking people. We're talking about young kids who have dreams, and I think we should give them a chance to go on with their dreams. Let's reunite the whole world together and make it a peaceful moment and event."

Simply inspirational!

So for the kids,stop the crap so that u won't feel embarassed by the innocent questions from them.

I can hear the message that somebody sent to me,I know my heart's been calling for love ,but my past life story has made me quite self-conscious.A guy with nothing really worthy of being noticed,eithor physically or mentally,this image I have of myself won't fade away until I succeed academically and become financially soluable,which means I don't actually have much time to waste,of course whether having a raltionship is a waste of time is yet to be discussed.What I do know is that a relationship is more than just kiss or sex,it's a commitment at least for a period of time of your lifetime.And I don't want to hurt anyone or get hurt myself,which is why I'm so cautious about it.I admit that being all by myself is not the best lifestyle,but isn't that worthy when I trade some loneliness for a sense of achivement and self-confidence?Yes,this is what I need for now.Like I always said,life is a drama,what u've got to do is to fully enjoy your part in it.Although it's not my favorite movie genre,I do wish my life drama a romantic comedy instead of a horror,tragedy or even an adventure with a happy ending.From time to time,I surprised myself with how much more rational a person I've grown up to be, maybe that's what it takes to be a man.

I freaked out once again an hour ago.

I should say sorry to myself for saying these curses to somebody I care about.I swear it was just some emotional impulsion,I mean, I was totally carried away by my emotion and I never meant to hurt anyone.

I've been trying to be a nice guy since forever,unfortunately,I'm not nice enough by nature.There are some corners deep in my heart where my purest and most vulnerable feelings are hidden,well protected.And if in any case these feelings are  disturbed or maltreated,my defensive nerves will imediately be activated,and the whole me becomes out of control.The darkest side of mine will emerge from my seemingly gentle face.This is absolutely what I wanna live without,but my every attempt to get rid of it ended up in vain.

All I can say is sorry,and all I can do is to be a better me.