Who R U,My fair lady?U caught my eyes as soon as I logged on "Vanity Fair".

Looking at u in the eyes,I don't care about name anymore.

"Nombre de Chinois, et pas seulement ceux qui soutiennent le PCC, ont du mal à s'affranchir d'une vision paranoïaque de l'histoire. Ils sont convaincus que l'Occident conspire afin d'entraver l'essor de la Chine, jadis humiliée, aujourd'hui renaissante. Il faut qu'ils comprennent qu'une puissance n'est grande que si ses minorités souhaitent l'intégrer sur une base volontaire, et non forcée."

Due to some political reason and the sensitive period we're in,only the english tranlation is available here. You all understand english,don't u?

Many Chinese,not only those who support the CCP,have difficuties freeing themselves from a paranoid vision of history.They are convinced that the western world are conspiring to impede the development of China humiliated in the past and re-emerging nowadays.They need to understand that a great power is powerful only when the minorities are willing to be part of it,but not forced.

Oh,No,oh~what?wha-wha-wha-whawhat?......U thought u were so prodigious?And it turns out that u're nothin!nothin' at all,like we say in chinese,go find a corner and cry out loud for your pitiable artistic creativity!If u guys still don't get it about what I'm talkin' about,let the pictures tell u everything.

Look at this first!Yeah,could we possibly be more familiar with this gigantic nest?Ai Weiwei,son of the renowned revolutionary poet Ai Qing,and most importantly,member of the designing team once said,"the bird's nest is the place where ambitions and ideals of our time crash and clash",see how hard he tried to impress innocent and ignorant people.

But hold on a second,take a deep breath,and get ready for the next picture

So from the lovely picture,u can see a bunch of peasants in south china(that's where we can find bamboo) building something,wait,doesn't it look similar to...what is it?Sorry,anybody gives me a clue?Oh,yeah,the bird's nest which has cost 2.2 billion RMB and some unknown migrant workers' lives.The peasants said when they first saw "Bird's Nest" on TV,"hey,that's like the basket we use everyday...let's have some fun and make one like that in our village!"Thx,my country brothers!You're a perfect example of how people make history,Bravo,and thank u again and again.

P.S:Give me one more reason to trust U ballyhooed "artists"!

This is my first laughing-out-loud since I don't know how long,so I'm feeling this urge to share it with u guys.

No kidding,that's what I called creativity & imagination!

I hope u all wil enjoy it and laugh,cuz it's good for your mental health!hahaha~

It's amazing when you can just give give give and never having to care about what u gonna get in return.I tried it.But then I realize it's totally unfair to myself.Everybody's got his or her principles,a basic one of mine is that I don't wanna be a disturbing person under any circumstance,which has as a matter of fact made me rather self-concious.

What's wrong with me?Or should I say what's wrong with my country or people?Take the "holy" olympic for example,my fellow bejingers almost give up their life routine for the day planned to include so many "eight"s carrying the superstitious wishes of become richer.Unfortunately,u r probably gonna find the reality going exactly to the opposite.10 years of careful planning,a budget of billions,and  the tears of blood of tens of thousands of migrant workers(though they're always grining in the camera of **TV),just to make a good impression,nothing more.Even "senior citizens" have begun to learn english as if they didn't have to worry about their pension scheme or the housing loan of their children.No, aparently,they don't.That's the power of the "holy" olympics,isn't it?It can help u forget all your pains better than any pain killer,or any sort of self-hypnosis or brain washing.The CCP is happy,so are the media.It looks like everybody's happy!What a wonderful world,isn't it?

But wait!!!!Weren't we weeping over the tragic earthquake?Weren't we giving our possesions to show that the victims were not alone.And now,nobody cares any more.Any teenager talking about that with his or her pals would be considered uncool.'Cause the Oylimpics are coming.Yeah,let's go to beijing,to our beloved capital where grandpa Mao used to live and kill.But the road to beijing has a series of toll-gates,U barely reach the last one when some cute guys holding guns and dressed in green ask you kindly to go back to your couch to watch.'cause beijing has been reserved for international friends,easpecailly those with blond hair and blue eyes.Don't bother to argue that the olympics are supposed to be the people's Olympics.Don't be surprised when you see radars or artilleries near the national stadium,scientic and technological olympics,the slogan remeber?The Central party always keeps its promises.And the new slogan has recently been annouced as "safe olympics","See?that's how we keep our promises!"

Oh!!!!My almighty lord!If u can hear me pray,would u teach my people to be proud,only a little prouder would be enough.'Cause what I see aroud me are just spiritual slaves,wake them up!Tell them that they won't be veritable respectable just because human-beings from the west say that they are,and they won't be losers either only because the westerners call them that.

On a Sunday evening last November, Patrick Moberg, 21, a website developer, was in the Union Square subway station in New York City. "Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed this girl," he says. "She had bright blue shorts and dark blue tights and a flower in the back of her hair." New York's fun if you're a guy -- the city's lousy with gorgeous women. But this one was different. She was his perfect girl.
When the number 5 train pulled into the station, the two got on. "I was enthralled," he says. "I noticed details like her braided hair and that she was writing in a pad. I couldn't shake the desire to talk to her."

Taking a deep breath, he headed her way. Just then the train pulled into the Bowling Green station. The doors opened, a rush of humanity swarmed in, and then suddenly, she was gone.
He considered giving chase, but there's a fine line between blind love and stalking. He thought of plastering the station with posters. Then a brainstorm: the Internet. "It seemed less encroaching," he says. "I didn't want to puncture her comfort zone."
That night, the world had a new website: nygirlofmydreams.com. On it, Patrick declared, "I Saw the Girl of My Dreams on the Subway Tonight." He drew a picture of the girl etched in his mind, along with a portrait of himself with this disclaimer pointed at his head: "Not insane."
The website spread virally, and soon he had thousands of leads. Some were cranks, and some were women offering themselves in case he struck out.
Two days later, he got an e-mail from someone claiming to know the girl. He even supplied a photo. It was her. She was an Australian interning at a magazine, and her name was Camille. And she wanted to meet too.

Their first meeting was awkward. And why not? It was set up by Good Morning America. Like the rest of the media, GMA saw a great love story and pounced. But being sucked into a media maelstrom isn't necessarily conducive to a nascent love affair. "There was a lot of uncertainty on how to act around each other," Patrick said. And in the back of Camille's mind, a nagging thought: Who is this guy? The media circus eventually moved on, giving the two a chance to talk without a microphone present.
"Everything I found out about her was another wonderful thing," says Patrick. She was smart, funny and a big personality, a nice fit for this shy guy. "And," he continues quietly, "we've been hanging out together every day since."
Thinking back, he sighs. "It's amazing everything went without a hitch."

Thanks to Sharon Stone,I learnt a new word "karma" which she explained as the bad things that happen to u when u have done too many bad things to others.

...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

How come this time the waiting period seems to be exceptionally long,so long that I don't really care about the results anymore.Things have been so emotional lately,and i feel a little exhausted mentally,probably because I've been repeating the same series of facial expressions time and again.

I didn't do the tutorial today,for my "student" is kinda busy.Actually I was happy to hear this,I finally get to treat myself a cosy weekend. Guess what?I made salad for myself,god I miss that taste;It's certainly no big deal,but after I tell u about the first thing I ever cooked successfully,u'll understand what I feel.

To tell the truth,I miss more than just the taste,I miss the sunshine,I miss the azure,I miss the rosé,I miss the music at la fée verte,I miss the parties,I miss the midnight drunk walking...these are the past,I can't dwell on the past,I got to move on,although I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna live that kind of life again sooner or later.This is what we call destiny,it's not that I base all my decisions on it,but that I chose to follow it without even being aware of its existence.The idea is that destiny is in fact the embodiment of your inner thoughts.Okay,I should stop playing John Locke.

Happy end of the weekend,by the way.

Il y a eu trop d'émotion ces temps-ci,la revolte au tibet,le séism à sichuan,puis j'ai appris hier soir que mon oncle est décédé.Je me disais qu'il était temps pour moi de retrouver la tranquililté.Cependant,la vie n'as pas encore cessé de m'offrir de bonnes surprises.Ce matin,j'ai eu de bonnes nouvelles de Victor.Il m'a expreimé des sentiments très sincères à propos de notre amitié,ça m'a fait énormément chaud au coeur,et je me sens fiers d'avoir un ami qui me comprend tellement.Comme je lui ai dit,il y a 6 milliards de gens sur la terre et nous nous sommes devenus des amis,c'est vraiment un cadeau de la vie.Je suis submergé de gratitude et de joie,merci,Victor!Je t'adore!Tu étais,tu es,et tu seras toujours mon meilleur ami!Vive l'amitié!

This song by Colbie Caillat is probably gonna be one of my "songs of the year".Everytime I listen to it,I just can't help imagining what my life would've become if I had realized something and if somebody had realized the same thing.However,what's past is past.Life is beautiful just because it's unpredictable and irreversible,isn't it?

Enjoy the lyrics!

"Take time to realize
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in
Take time to realize
That I am on your side( This all can pass you by)
Didn't I, didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you
If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now

It's not the same,no it's never the same
If you don't feel it too
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way
It could be the same for you"

Yesterday afternoon I learnt about the earthquake in Sichuan which has shaken and shocken the whole country including Shanghai.On the next day which is today,I asked a guy if he felt anything.He said no followed by a black humor--"there's one thing in China that I wish to become less,it's the people,so let 'em die,after all,no severe earthquake can possibly happen here in Shanghai." I immediately felt offended and my sense of justice challenged,so I responded:"Would u say the same thing if one of your family members were travelling there when the quake happened?"He then was made speechless.Is it a good timing to show off your "hukou(literally means residential registration--one of the most absurd things existing since humanity)"?  I'm not against any sort of humor,but it can only be told when the timing is right,or it becomes harsh and mean.

I have to confess that I once made the similar kind of remark luckily interpreted by my french teacher as black humor when SARS was raging in China.His kindness actually taught me a lesson that I should never make jokes about others' misfortune,that's what uncivilized people do in general.

So if Shanghai wants to become a so-called cosmopolitan city like NYC,London or Paris,civilize your indigenes first,Otherwise it's just a china vase stuffed with high-rises, brand shops and snobby people speaking pidgin english.

Last but not least, I wanna pray with all my heart that the rescued will live in happiness,and that the dead will rest in peace ever after!!!!

I've been through so many exams in my life,so many that I can't even count them out.So logically,I should be used to taking tests or being tested.What I find hard to understand is that,the more tests I take,the more nervous I become before the test.Like I did this afternoon,once I stepped out of the "test room",I just could help smiling as if there were a hanger in my mouth.As soon as people who were waiting ouside saw my face,they murmured that I must be sure to pass,which they thought is why I smiled.As a matter of fact,I was laughing at myself for having been so nervous before the test and so awkard during it.I might be too strict with myself,yeah,possible,but this is just not the way I like it to be.And the word I'm now looking for is "anyway~~~" ,it belongs to the past.People get sick if they dwell on the past,don't they? Thinging about the tests I'm going to take,I came up with the question"Is life a test?"It sort of is for sure.

I do surf the net everyday,and I'll be upset if don't have access to the internet for one single day,BUT DO NOT CONFUSE ME WITH THE NATIONALIST NETIZENS,PLEASE DON'T!!!!!!!

I added the red heart to my msn user name only because my friends asked me to,and disppointing them would be the last thing I want especially on this sort of occasion.

To be honest,I really don't and can't appreciate this kind of fake patriotism,which is to my eyes extremely akin to the "Support the Troops" bumper stickers on SUVs in the U.S..I am actually the one who got really disappointed.I'm so disappointed that my people still don't get it,they just don't realize to what extent they are manipulated.Believe it or not,I'd rather trust god than politicians. And call me a traitor if it makes u feel any better!

As for boycotting french brands,I just wanna say "don't be ridiculous" just as what I said to the people trying to boycott everything related to Japan a couple of years ago.Probably,they are the same bunch of people.Go for a walk on the major commercial streets,if u don't find sony product,come to me and get paid $10,000,000,I'm serious.Of course U have the right to express your anger and to show your "chinese heart",but will it help bring down the CPI or the rocketing house price??? Maybe a lot of people will lose their jobs if this boycott goes on determinedly to the end. Is that what u want?

I can't help remembering the quote from Celine Dion :

"I'm not a politician, but I don't think it's about politics either. We're talking about Olympics. We're talking about hardworking people. We're talking about young kids who have dreams, and I think we should give them a chance to go on with their dreams. Let's reunite the whole world together and make it a peaceful moment and event."

Simply inspirational!

So for the kids,stop the crap so that u won't feel embarassed by the innocent questions from them.

I can hear the message that somebody sent to me,I know my heart's been calling for love ,but my past life story has made me quite self-conscious.A guy with nothing really worthy of being noticed,eithor physically or mentally,this image I have of myself won't fade away until I succeed academically and become financially soluable,which means I don't actually have much time to waste,of course whether having a raltionship is a waste of time is yet to be discussed.What I do know is that a relationship is more than just kiss or sex,it's a commitment at least for a period of time of your lifetime.And I don't want to hurt anyone or get hurt myself,which is why I'm so cautious about it.I admit that being all by myself is not the best lifestyle,but isn't that worthy when I trade some loneliness for a sense of achivement and self-confidence?Yes,this is what I need for now.Like I always said,life is a drama,what u've got to do is to fully enjoy your part in it.Although it's not my favorite movie genre,I do wish my life drama a romantic comedy instead of a horror,tragedy or even an adventure with a happy ending.From time to time,I surprised myself with how much more rational a person I've grown up to be, maybe that's what it takes to be a man.

I freaked out once again an hour ago.

I should say sorry to myself for saying these curses to somebody I care about.I swear it was just some emotional impulsion,I mean, I was totally carried away by my emotion and I never meant to hurt anyone.

I've been trying to be a nice guy since forever,unfortunately,I'm not nice enough by nature.There are some corners deep in my heart where my purest and most vulnerable feelings are hidden,well protected.And if in any case these feelings are  disturbed or maltreated,my defensive nerves will imediately be activated,and the whole me becomes out of control.The darkest side of mine will emerge from my seemingly gentle face.This is absolutely what I wanna live without,but my every attempt to get rid of it ended up in vain.

All I can say is sorry,and all I can do is to be a better me.

"How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people -- first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving...

"I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves -- this critical basis I call the ideal of a pigsty. The ideals that have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific endeavors, life would have seemed empty to me. The trite objects of human efforts -- possessions, outward success, luxury -- have always seemed to me contemptible.

"My passionate sense of social justice and social responsibility has always contrasted oddly with my pronounced lack of need for direct contact with other human beings and human communities. I am truly a 'lone traveler' and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties, I have never lost a sense of distance and a need for solitude..."

"My political ideal is democracy. Let every man be respected as an individual and no man idolized. It is an irony of fate that I myself have been the recipient of excessive admiration and reverence from my fellow-beings, through no fault, and no merit, of my own. The cause of this may well be the desire, unattainable for many, to understand the few ideas to which I have with my feeble powers attained through ceaseless struggle. I am quite aware that for any organization to reach its goals, one man must do the thinking and directing and generally bear the responsibility. But the led must not be coerced, they must be able to choose their leader. In my opinion, an autocratic system of coercion soon degenerates; force attracts men of low morality... The really valuable thing in the pageant of human life seems to me not the political state, but the creative, sentient individual, the personality; it alone creates the noble and the sublime, while the herd as such remains dull in thought and dull in feeling.

"This topic brings me to that worst outcrop of herd life, the military system, which I abhor... This plague-spot of civilization ought to be abolished with all possible speed. Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!

"The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed. It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion. A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, our perceptions of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which only in their most primitive forms are accessible to our minds: it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute true religiosity. In this sense, and only this sense, I am a deeply religious man... I am satisfied with the mystery of life's eternity and with a knowledge, a sense, of the marvelous structure of existence -- as well as the humble attempt to understand even a tiny portion of the Reason that manifests itself in nature."

The text of Albert Einstein's copyrighted essay, "The World As I See It," was shortened for our Web exhibit. The essay was originally published in "Forum and Century," vol. 84, pp. 193-194, the thirteenth in the Forum series, Living Philosophies. It is also included in Living Philosophies (pp. 3-7) New York: Simon Schuster, 1931. For a more recent source, you can also find a copy of it in A. Einstein, Ideas and Opinions, based on Mein Weltbild, edited by Carl Seelig, New York: Bonzana Books, 1954 (pp. 8-11).

Sorry,I just freaked out about nothing.And that was really not supposed to happen.Then I tried to squeeze my mind for a reason,and I realize seeing somebody happy can be hurting in some cases,especially when you haven't experienced true happiness for a long long time.Do you guys know about the question that I fear the most? Et voila "Are you happy?"Of course I can say "Yes,absolutely!" to any of the askers,but I can never fool my heart.And that's the very problem.Can anybody teach me a sort of trick or magic to fool my beating heart or to ignore what my heart says.

A friend just said to me:It's all your fault,it's you who have put yourself under such great pressure. When someone is so yearning for success,they are likely to neglect the tiny simple happiness in their life.Give yourself a break!"This is really heart-warming.Thanks,pal.I feel a bit relieved at the moment,and yet I can't have a "take it easy"attitude towards my future.C'est mon avenir qui est en jeu.Maybe writing this note is already a relaxing"break",so I think I'm just gonna start hitting the books.

我和你啊 存在一種 危險關係 You and me, stuck in a dangerous relationship
彼此挾持 這另一部分 的自已 Both of us have held hostage a part of each other
本以為這完整了 愛的定義 Imagining this would be a completion of love
那就乖乖的守護著你 And we would belong to each other for ever
相愛變成 猜忌懷疑的 爛遊戲 When love is turned into a sophisticated mind game
規則是要 憋著呼吸 越靠越近 And when its rule is you and me getting closer and closer,holding our breath
但你的溫柔 是我唯一的沉溺 But I'm so much drown in you,in your tenderness
你是愛我的 就不怕有縫隙 You do love me,don't you? Why do I see fears of freedom in you? 
在我心上用力的 開一槍 Shoot at my heart, with all your strength
讓一切歸零 在這聲巨響 Let it all go back to nothing after the blast
如果愛是說什麼 都不能放 If love means never let go
我不掙扎 反正我也 沒差 I won't struggle,'cause it won't make any difference
人質在這一刻 得到釋放 Hostages of ourselves will be freed at last
相愛的純粹落得 如此下場 If our love ends up like this
你滿意嗎 我們都別 說謊 Will you be satisfied? Let us quit lying

Right before I post my translation of "Hostage"by A-mei, I found a better version in a blog,which has blown me away.'Cause it's much more lyrical and rhymed.It's an enormous pity that there's only four lines.Gosh,Do I wanna be enchanted by the whole version!

在我心上用力的 開一槍　　Put a bullet into my heart
讓一切歸零 在這聲巨響　　In this thunder all shall restart
如果愛是說什麼 都不能放　If love means never let go,
我不 掙扎　　　　　　　　I won't struggle.
反正我也 沒差　　　　　　Difference there is no.

And the whole note is well written, so i'm posting it as well,without the writer's permisson.But I ensure you all that there's no business purpose and I 100% support the intellectual property rights!

【電影】Harold and Moude, and Freud's death drive

I could not help thinking of Freud while watching this movie. This is one of the most terrific films capable to review and to re-examine his concept of 'death drive'. In rough definition, death drive refers to "the bodily instinct to return to the state of quiescence that preceded our birth":

The death drive, according to Freud's later writings (Beyond the Pleasure Principle, "The Uncanny"), explains why humans are drawn to repeat painful or traumatic events (even though such repetition appears to contradict our instinct to seek pleasure). Through such a compulsion to repeat, the human subject attempts to 'bind' the trauma, thus allowing the subject to return to a state of quiescence (ref.1).

And in psychoanalytic theory, the death drive seems to oppose Eros: "Here Eros is characterized as the tendency towards cohesion and unity, whereas the death drive is the tendency towards destruction" (ref.2).

It seems that Harold would be the prefect example covered the vast shadow of death drive, for his thousand-times committing (performing) suicide, and for his eccentric addiction to death, as he re-decorates his Jaguar into a hearse, and attends funerals (instead of churches) for his own peace.

But, is Harold's queer behavior a repetition of painful or traumatic events? Do these acts oppose to Eros? Is his action a pursuit of returning to a state of quiescence? How could an action be a painful repetition and meanwhile be a pursuit of quiescence?

Obviously, Harold's case is not only the prefect model of 'death drive', but also the one to challenge the idea: the reason that Harold performs suicide is not a repetition of any traumatic events in his life, but an intention of grabbing other's (his mother’s) attention. What he hungers for are not any of destructions, but for the care, concern and love from his mother. In this point of view, Harold's act is far from the opposition against Eros; on the contrary, it is still a pursuance to Eros, which is actualized by his eagerness to mother's care and love, his tendency toward cohesion and unity (a state like an infant in mother's uterus). And In this point of view, 'death drive' is no longer the desire of returning to a state of quiescence; it is a proclamation in which the subjects shout for their instinct for Eros. It is an inmost desire of returning (or attaching) to the big Other, to the structures, and to Eros.

This is the essence of human living. Unlike sexual drive which compels people to attach to certain structures (big Others), death drive is the impulsion which stimulates people to change, that is, to detach from current structures (and seek for other ones). In fact, sexual drive and death drive should be two sides of one coin: wherever there is a structure, there is resistance; whenever there is attachment, there is detachment, and vice versa. In this frame, death drive is the core of our resistance, and thus is the kernel of human action. And these do explain Harold's dilemmatic feelings: he not only longs for Mother's love, but also tries his best to get rid of his mother's control at the meantime. In fact, Harold's performing suicide designates a 'triple death': first in the symbolic level, a pseudo-death he performs carrying out all those meanings behind; second in the imagined level, a death resisting the carelessness of the mother; and third in the real level, a death resisting his entire reality, his entire existence (which does not really exist, due to the totalitarian control of his mother).

Therefore, concealed by the images of death, the main thesis of Harold and Maude is indeed existence, is indeed living. Death images are just another pseudo-death; they cover the inmost eagerness of living of this fantastic film.

---

P.S. As the kernel of human action, death drive can't be more ordinary in our daily life. A-Mei's song, Hostage, is one of the best examples. Describing a dangerous relationship between lovers, it says:

在我心上用力的 開一槍　　Put a bullet into my heart
讓一切歸零 在這聲巨響　　In this thunder all shall restart
如果愛是說什麼 都不能放　If love means never let go,
我不 掙扎　　　　　　　　I won't struggle.
反正我也 沒差　　　　　　Difference there is no.

Obviously, it is a metaphor of death drive. It is the awareness of realizing that death, is the ultimate escape from any predicament, and the final place where his eternal peace rest in.

posted by Fg-Yi, 星期日, 九月 02, 2007